Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Sarah Palin to Screech at CPAC For Some Reason Again

I got my crib note all ready! You betcha!
Washington, DC – Former-half term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has been booked to speak (about what?) at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference again. 

Unsolicited Drivel received a copy of the press release from the conservative union making the announcement.

February 18, 2013 
Dick Hertz (202) 555-2345, wehateminorities@conservative.org 

WASHINGTON, DC – The Conservative Union for Keeping America Armed and Conservative (CUKAAC) announced today that we were able to land Governor Sarah Palin like a mamma Grizzly bear we set a can of canned salmon out to attract this week and she will be speaking to represent our Americany views at the CPAC conference again this year March 13th - 16th!  For those of you have that been living underneath a rock somewhere (Afghanistan), Governor Palin was Senator John McCain’s GOP 2008 running mate* for Vice President, and was vetted for the job by just a de-worming and a trip to a beauty spa. She went on to help Senator McCain easily lose the presidential election by being a shrieking harpy with the attention span of a plate of Caribou jerky, but did so still looking very hot in $3,000 suits. Then Fox News hired her (temporarily) for some reason even though the head of the network felt she had all the intellect of a baby seal, but looked cute as a baby seal, so why the f*ck not sign her? Fortunately for us, Mrs. Palin still cleans up nicely and we were able to sign her on to speak just for Diet Dr. Pepper and bendy straws! And we can’t wait for her to remind Americans we still have white people here and Jesus was white too - not black as history dictates. We will continue to hire her while the Democrats are in the White House and/or until President Brownshirt Obama finally agrees to break off a piece of Alaska, which will be renamed 'Palinistan' just for Sarah's lovely God-fearing,  baby-makin' family.   And just to let you middle class people reading know, you'll need to pack a bag lunch to afford to eat in this fine town."

*Because Arizona Governor Jan Brewer's face scares babies.

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