Elizabeth Taylor Outsmarts Westboro Baptist Church Protesters at Own Funeral

Los Angeles – Hollywood’s most glamorous leading lady and HIV/AIDS activist, Elizabeth Taylor, was laid to rest yesterday, the day after she died of heart failure. Taylor’s immediate family had a private ceremony at Forest Lawn cemetery where she could be buried close to many of her friends, including singer Michael Jackson (but not singer Eddie Fisher).

Due to Taylor’s tireless activism she put into fighting HIV/AIDS instead of trying to convert homosexual men back to straight like a good glamour girl should, Fred Phelps and his controversial Westboro Baptist Church had said they would stink up the screen legend’s funeral by protesting.  But surprisingly, they did not.

There must have been something even more special about Elizabeth than we already thought if those hateful, crazy people didn’t show up.  We asked one of her pals for comment, and he (not Barry Manilow) told us, “Well, she could have duped them without even knowing it by converting to Judaism.  They’d probably never believe a woman with such waspy looks could be Jewish, and by Jewish law, she had to be buried within a day and it’s possible that they didn’t know that and couldn’t charter a bus to L.A. in time.  But that Reverend Fred Phelps seems to have his crazy followers planted everywhere.  So I’m guessing that by Elizabeth’s planning to be fashionably late to her own funeral, she outsmarted Westboro, as they very likely couldn’t believe that somebody wouldn’t want to be given a proper send-off to heaven right on time exactly as scheduled, and they left in in disbelief in a big huff when the limos were late to the service.”