Supreme Court Rules Westboro Baptist Church Has Right to Go to Hell

Washington, DC – The U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Wednesday that members of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church have a right to protest military funerals and expose themselves for the intolerant, hateful people they are.  Good luck and God bless.

"Simply put, the church members had the right to be where they were," Chief Justice John Roberts wrote on behalf the court majority.

The court’s decision was based on the case of Albert Snyder, the father of a late U.S. Marine, who sued after the church protested his son’s funeral last October.

Justice Roberts also wrote something to the effect of, “While I have heard more refined political messages coming out of my ass, they (Westboro) have a right to protest the moral conduct of the United States and its citizenry (gays anyway) based upon the teachings of a book that’s thousands of years old and offers no wiggle room for changing mores in a society facing extreme challenges day after day primarily because we are not living in 1400 BC.”   Or something like that.

Justice Samuel Alito was the lone dissenter in the 8-1 decision and wrote, "In order to have a society in which public issues can be openly and vigorously debated, it is not necessary to allow the brutalization of innocent victims like petitioner."

Excellent point, your Honor.  But the First Amendment, as written,  doesn't protect the general public from extremist hillbilly jerk-weasels.

Unfortunately for sane Americans, Westboro has also covered their pious asses thus far by not causing a stir at the funerals and staying a comfortable distance away.  But their efforts are for naught, as Jesus appeared to us in our Unsolicited Drivel break room this afternoon in a bowl of alphabet soup, spelling it out for us to let Justice Alito know that distance Westboro has kept from the funerals will be tiny in comparison to how far their intolerance has removed them from the gates of Heaven.  Suckers!