Britney Spears’ Ticket Sales Flatter Than a Starlet Without Implants

Sacramento, CA – Hit me baby one more time – with your wallet. That’s what Britney Spears’ management must be thinking this week due to dismal ticket sales of the pop princess’ “Femme Fatale” tour. Sales are in such a slump that tickets will now be featured via the bargain shoppers’ site Groupon!

Britney’s last two (comeback) albums have been well received, so why won’t the fans show up to see her in person?

We asked a music industry insider for comment who told us, “I can’t be sure, but maybe we have reached a point where fans want to see a singer actually sing during a live performance for the inflated ticket price.   It’s probably because they get to see singers actually sing for free all the time on nearly every TV channel. At least the ones that are supposed to still feature entertainment. The channels that make up fake news haven’t gotten into the singing competition business - yet.  If people want to just see a chick with a hot body writhe around on stage, they can go see a pole dancer off of the parkway, and do it for much less money. And that includes the singles stuffed into her g-string.   I think I’ve got to blame that over-achieving bitch Lady Gaga too for actually writing her music, playing her own instruments, singing and just raising the bar too damn high.  I guess that’s why fans don’t consider Britney dry-humping a guitar to be the equivalent of playing an instrument? Anyway, her people are hopeful the tour will sell out via Groupon. That site’s not just for Brazilian waxes and organic muffin baskets anymore. They offer plenty of other stuff. Besides, fans didn’t respond to the incentives of receiving a free give-away with their purchase like a Jamie Spears’ southern down home cooking video or Kevin Federline’s upcoming advice book on how to become a kept man.”