Woman Liked Gwyneth Paltrow Better When She Was a “Fake British Person”

Baltimore, MD – An area woman admitted today that she liked actress Gwyneth Paltrow much better way back when she was pretending to be British chick and not offering her opinions via media outlets that simply recycle news and seem to be obsessed with her.

Lisa Blake told Unsolicited Drivel, “You know, if Gwyneth had hired an ad agency to promote herself, I would be her target demographic, yet, I couldn’t warm up to her now if my life depended on it.  She makes a string of indy films, pretending to be the next Emma Thompson and I thought she was kind of cool.  Then I found out she was just a rich American kid from Manhattan.  As an Anglophile, I felt duped.  And her accent wasn't even that great.  My bad.  Then she decides to offer lifestyle advice on that website Goop. If I want pretentious advice about buying stuff I can't afford, I’ll stick with Martha Stewart, thank you very much. Then she was trying to impersonate a cool person on Glee, a show that’s supposed to be about nerds. Another strike against her.  Then she’s suddenly a chef.  This week she’s spouting off about the Bible and hating haters in Arkansas over homosexuality, so now she’s a theologian?    I’m guessing if she doesn’t cut the crap with the excessive multi-tasking, that if Hollywood someday makes a film about her life, then James Franco would likely end up playing her.  He looks pretty good in a blonde wig, but I’m not sure if he can do a fake British accent too.”