As it became painfully evident that the U.S. can’t rely on its government maintaining its infrastructure to thwart the destruction of a major hurricane after Katrina, alternative measures have been taken since then. And now, not too surprisingly, the federal agency responsible for damage control, FEMA, has come out publicly and announced today that it didn’t order the Sham-Wows! in time for the clean up after Hurricane Irene.
Irene is the first major hurricane expected to make landfall in the U.S. since 2008 and forecasters believe it will cause many east coast elitists to have to kayak to the Starbucks™ over this weekend due to the aforementioned lack of shammys.
A spokesperson for the disaster management agency told us, “It’s bad. Hide your kids; hide your wife. I thought of hurricane clean up with the Sham-Wows! after I realized they were good for more than just soaking up pet-pee when I tore off the spigot to a box of Franzia in a rage over a recent government furlough announcement. We ordered them by the truckload weeks ago, but that company must be shipping them via some overseas plant where they are still waiting for drug lords to load their heroin into the false bottoms of the boxes or something as they never got here in time. If we had a Libertarian in the White House we could rely on the Koch brothers to supply paper towels. As it stands now, the east coast is pretty much screwed.”
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