Unsolicited Drivel: Signapalooza – Or the “Remember in November” 9/12 Tea Party

RNC's Welcome sign over their door.

Washington, DC - still a city of unremarkable sandwiches, but now a diner’s destination for kick-ass Tex-Mex fare (Tortilla Coast), was host city to Dick Armey and Freedomwork’s latest Tea Party rally yesterday. As I cannot get through a day without irony, I inadvertently chose a Metro stop that emptied out on the doorstep of the RNC.

We (GMan, "D." and I) arrived only just as the rally started due to our not having any interest in Jesus’ views on taxes, so we missed their nondenominational service beforehand, instead deciding to hold our own morning invocation over frozen margaritas and con queso dip.

Priorities, people. Get 'em straight

I felt comfortable with our decision to not feel compelled to be right up near the stage this time because having done this before, I knew there wouldn’t be any new messages, every message would be exactly the same and quite frankly, except for the occasional token ethnic person they whip out for (faux) credibility, these bitter, extreme conservatives all look the same to me. Yeah, they really do (insert your rage here). Plus, the entertainment is always strictly D list. It may even be F list. It’s not like you’re going to get there early and be rewarded for your punctuality with great seat and a chance to see a hottie like Clint Black mosey out onto the stage. In fact, these entertainers are so D list, they come up with clever lyrics like these:

“A revolution brewin' from sea to shinin' sea…" Or…

"we don't like how our money's spent, by politicians who see bent…"

And I couldn’t resist recording this clinker:

Hear ye, hear ye! Thou looketh like fools.

That could make wallpaper peel clean off and it really just scared my cat.

You can’t have a truly great Tea Party rally without a gaggle of colonials passing by. Or is it a murder of colonials?

Hooray! Our first misspelled sign: "Save America Expunge the Inelligable Presidency" and only as we are just ENTERING the rally.

Could they have recycled that one from the Bush presidency?

Right beside that there was also a big cloth banner "Come take it" with a picture of a cannon. WTF? Take what?

This sign (right) was everwhere :"Don't believe the Liberal Media." Media Research Center logo. What is MRC? tellthetruth2010.org What liberal media? Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow’s headshots were not on the sign! We were confused.

Dick Armey, Grand Poobah of Freedomworks, always sounds like he's drunk during the rally, as he has in the past. Unless we find out he recently had a stroke, we’re not going to feel badly about making this assessment.

Hiccup!

Dick offered this sage observation, "One of our philosophers, Dirty Harry, said a man's got to know his limitations." This is a quote from the second DH movie, The Enforcer. Armey is saying Obama is doing more than he's capable of or should be doing. Does Dick know that Harry is a fictional character? We already know his movement thrives on fiction…

Ryan Hecker talks of the Contract from America, saying "it is a bottom up document," meaning it was written by the grass roots, which we don't believe. We interpret the comment to mean the contract is full of shit (bottom up).

Signs everywhere, as if they're making up for not being able to bring them to the Beck rally a couple of weeks ago. Cop car lights flashing on the perimeter in various spots. We estimate 10,000 people or so.

Best sign of the day has only one word on it: Rabble (perfectly describes the group).

Bits ‘n snippets:

Quote from another unhinged speaker: "Palin and Obama think they should be worshipped" (loud boos ensue!)

Quote from crazee Tito "The Builder" Munoz (the new ‘n improved Joe the Plumber) Columbian guy who just became a citizen 2 years ago (because his love for John McCain filled a hole in his heart): "Obama will replace life with life control!"

By ballot or bullet, restoration is coming. Nice. Go shoot a moose already.

Another generic speaker: "We stand on principle." What principle? He doesn't say. They NEVER say what the F they mean.

At a mention of G.W. Bush’s name in a speech, the crowd is momentarily silent - then a smattering of half-hearted applause followed.

Former governor of New Mexico, Gary E. Johnson, brags about vetoing 700 billion in legislation. Crowd goes wild. Then he surprisingly advocates legalizing all drugs. Too many people in prison he says. Crowd hesitates, then there’s light applause. Hey, Cialis is legal, what’s the diff for this crowd?

Muslim Tea Partiers! The ultimate oxymoron. Two guys dressed up in Arab gear and headdress with sign that says, "Muhammed was the original tea party patriot." Many are crowded around them. Trying to figure out if it's a gag???

WTF was with all the dog references there? Are we missing something? Seriously. One person had a sign about Obama being unfair to dogs and look at these two crazy bitches!

Rabid rabble.

Huh???

I don’t have a picture of it, but the most poignant sign of the day was: If I had a job I wouldn't be here. Of course, that was before our friend, “D.” offered, “Yes you would - it’s Sunday!!"

We also learned that Che Guevera was a “sadist,” the government should be “Constitutionally Limited,” Joe the Plumber is still a great American and he really likes beer, yadda, yadda, yadda (I probably shouldn't have used that last Seinfeld reference, since we learned something!?! I didn't know that about Che!). Oh, and sour grapes taste REALLY bad and the entire movement hinges on manipulating America's emotions (you know, just like Fox News).

“D.” had one more observation about the day when she further added, “I came all the way to Washington for a Tea Party and all I got was a little Dick!”