Muslims and Atheists Least Likely to Kill You if You Don’t Share Their Beliefs

U.S. of A. – According to a new poll conducted among people who like to answer polls, Muslims and atheists are the least likely Americans to wish a violent death upon you in public that will end up on the six o’clock news if you don’t share their beliefs.  Those two groups were then closely followed in the polling numbers by agnostics, people who wore tinfoil hats and worship little green men, and then, coming in dead last – Christians.  

We are never quite convinced about the validity of these types of polls, so Unsolicited Drivel checked in with our staff sociologist for comment. She told us, “These numbers look valid to me. The Muslim faith is about seeking peace and following traditions. As for the atheists – well, they are very likely to be liberal and pot smokers too - if you believe the stereotype. Have you ever heard of a violent pot smoker? I didn’t think so. Most peaceful among the atheists are the Pastafarians that not only smoke pot, but also indulge in hi-carb noodley meals causing them to be even more relaxed and peaceful than most. If the results of this poll could gain traction in the press, as well they should because it gives a more accurate picture of how the American public really thinks, it could spell doom for the conservative right politicians that have consistently run their tickets on the fear factor.  Of course, we’d have to rely on the more centrist than left liberals utilizing this information that would give them the advantage with the American people. But based upon recent elections that’s highly unlikely, as they seem more focused on sending this country via a hand basket to a Hell that not all of us believe in.”