Rick Perry Vows to Defund Childhood

As soon as the baby gets this big,
it has a future at Taco Bell.

Austin - Texas Governor and GOP presidential hopeful Rick Perry is behind on ruining childhoods lately and has pledged to do better by making sure that as many unplanned children are born as possible by defunding Planned Parenthood.

Perry became the sixth extremist candidate to sign an anti-abortion pledge from the Susan B. Anthony list and his supporters believe it will help him in his efforts to win the “best creator of future low-wage job holders” award among the GOP field.

A spokesperson for the Governor told Unsolicited Drivel, “Rick’s relaxing his stance on ruining childhoods by mandating poisonous vaccines, so we decided that it’s best he go back to doing it the old fashioned way – by forcing Americans to go through with unplanned pregnancies which will drive them into poverty and decrease their children's opportunities to ever have enough higher-level education to earn more than $7.25 per hour.  We can’t guarantee a poor education just because we don’t teach the kids to read no more.  Some of ‘em figure it out for themselves.  Governor Perry has more than doubled the number of Texans working for minimum wage in only 3 years, which means his job creation record stands at nearly a 150% success rate.  And with all of them new babies getting born, his record will only get better.  We pray for as much. Suck on that Ron Paul!”