Hydrangea Fires Back at Madonna

Baltimore, MD - Speaking to an area florist who had inhaled too much spray paint today, a hydrangea blossom slammed the Material Girl, Madonna, for her recent public disrespect toward the floral bouquet staple.

“Hydrangea-Gate” as the press will soon call it, began last week when Madonna scoffed at a fan’s bouquet at the Venice Film Festival and continued this week with the release of Madonna’s video where she declared to future ex-fans, "It's a free country! So f*** you I like roses!!"

The florist, Lane Burrows, told Unsolicited Drivel, "It’s true that floral designers are sometimes forced to work in less than humane conditions and without proper ventilation and can get the same delirium effect from spray paint, which we use for the tackier events,  as a teenager does huffing it.  But I still swear that blossom was talking to me.  I think the hydrangea said:

 ‘Where does that bitch get off? I mean I know that as a flower, I’m difficult to work with.  I pretty much suck.  I don't have a lovely scent and I don’t drink enough water and I typically keel over and die before the bouquet reaches it’s destination.  If you look at me cross-eyed, I'm pretty much a goner.  But what the hell ever happened to showing gratitude for a fan's kind gesture? Of course she likes roses! Big duh. They have sharp thorns kind of like those claws of hers!! Anyway, if Her Heinous Madonna  plans to marry her latest boyfriend once his testicles finally drop, I hope somebody puts poison ivy in her bouquet.'

I'm not bullshitting you U.D.,  that blossom was pissed.  Either that or on top of inhaling the spray paint fumes I also didn't get my anxiety meds right this morning."