Rick Santorum Pledges to Reverse America’s Progress on Gay Rights

Orlando, FL – While the audiences at the Republican debates seem to be stealing each candidate’s thunder and auditioning for their own reality show (Who Wants to Be an Intolerant Rat-Bastard?), that still didn’t keep GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum from seeming like even more of a hater by pledging to reverse the progress of gays in the military.

A gay soldier directed a question to Santorum, asking if he would reinstate “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” if he became president.   Santorum answered, “I came here tonight with the intention of beating on Rick Perry for not building a fence to keep the Mexicans out who keep stealing our jobs.  Jobs.  Jobs.  Jobs. But if you insist on bringing it up, I do not think we should inject social (socialist) policy into the military.  Soldiers are there to kill people who don't like our freedom.  Plain and simple. Sex should not be an issue. There should be no sex in the military. Why do you think those doll makers didn’t give G.I. Joe any genitals? I would definitely bring back the policy of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and gay soldiers would just have to go back to their previous way of dealing with sexual frustration – by filming themselves lip-synching to Lady Gaga dance club favorites in their underwear.”