Facebook Goes Down; Americans Unwillingly Forced to Work

U.S. of A. – The social networking site Facebook experienced an outage yesterday forcing the millions of Americans lucky enough to actually be employed to have get their work done after lunch.  It even forced some students to pay attention in class as they lost the ability to cleverly pass handwritten notes years ago. In fact, no one’s even really sure the youth of American can even write today with their hands – except for those urban graffiti artists who ain’t got no computers, yo!

The failure of Facebook was determined to be a caused DNS-related issues, resulting in the web site not loading for many people who can only pretend to have a fully formed personality from behind a computer, iPad or Smartphone keyboard lasted for possibly at LEAST 25 hellacious minutes (but not quite long enough to complete an overdue Excel spreadsheet)!

A 1% employer, J.P. Gluttonberg Green who runs a popular hedge fund he plans to rape financially someday soon, told Unsolicited Drivel, “We haven’t seen this much productivity in our office since the morning after the morning after the morning after the boys recuperated from their “March Madness” hangovers!!!  Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg!  I might have to take advantage of Facebook’s IPO diving off a cliff, buy most of it and make you my bitch.”