Saturday, January 5, 2013

“Clobbered by Cod” Incident Narrowly Avoided at Area Trader Joe’s

Don't make me go all Giotto on you!
Charlottesville, VA – Shoppers at a local Trader Joe’s market today have no idea how close they came to meeting certain death via a frozen block of cod to the cranium.

Fellow shopper Elizabeth Blair complained to Unsolicited Drivel via direct hate Tweets, “Next time, if there IS a next time, and I see one more liberal, tree-hugger on a smart phone calling their ‘life partner’ because they forgot which brand of hummus they prefer I’m going to go rogue on them with a bag of frozen Alaskan cod.  They just stand there yapping on their iPhones, shopping carts on the diagonal blocking the aisle, chatting away about this and that.  If it’s not whether or not they are sure that the chic peas in the hummus are not genetically modified by Monsanto so their surrogate baby doesn't come out with gills, it’s some other god damn Socialist bullshit.  And oooooooohhhh!  The $2 Buck Chuck's not good enough for them. Noooooooooo, because it may contain nitrates.   I may be a stark raving bitch, but believe it or not, I’m pretty particular about my seafood. Otherwise I wouldn’t shop at that hippie freak store and I’d go back to the Food Lion.  But now that I mention it, that gives me a flash back to some guy at the deli counter there on a cell phone with his wife going back and forth with her at home and then asking the clerk if the lunch meat was processed!  I’m like, ‘it’s shaped like a log… what do you think?’ Nowhere is safe. I really should probably just shop on line.  What's that home delivery service for groceries?  I think it's called PeaBrain or something?”

1 comments so far :

Sarah P. said...

If you really want to do some brain damage, use an Albacore steak. You betcha!

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