Elin Woods Divorce Almost A Done Deal

Gossip sites with no need for fact checking are reporting that Elin Nordegren is “THIS CLOSE” to finalizing her divorce agreement with the world’s worst (but also best) cheater, hubby Tiger Woods.

The former Swedish model (who will never have to pose for the camera again) has met with her attorneys twice this week in order to hammer out her demands and also agree to confidentiality in hopes of a $750 kajillion dollar settlement.  They have agreed to almost everything, including Elin having full physical custody of the couple’s two children, but there are other terms that must be honored.

We found out what’s really going on for you.

The rules from Elin’s camp:
Tiger must never bring another woman in the presence of the children unless he can prove they are engaged, married, or related by blood.
Before visitation with the children, Tiger must take a “Silkwood” level shower.
During visitation, Tiger may look at Elin, but never speak directly to her.

The rules from Tiger's camp:
In exchange for more money than the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost combined with the Pope x 10, Elin must never speak ill of Tiger.  This includes after he is dead.  If Elin is reincarnated and Tiger is long dead, but is exhumed from his grave for paternity DNA samples (he plans to freeze his sperm), she still must remain tight-lipped - same as always.

That about sums it up.