Justice Clarence Thomas Can Speak!

Washington, DC – Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas broke a seven year silence this Monday, leaving kids in junior high stunned in social studies classes across America who had grown up believing he was a deaf mute. They don’t teach about sexual harassment or pubic hairs on Coke cans in schools so little kids born after his confirmation hearing in 1991 had no idea that Thomas could speak.

Thomas has long defended his silence in interviews that nobody has watched and also had remained silent regarding his wife’s hobby of drunk dialing his would-be paramour Anita Hill. 

Unfortunately, when Thomas opened his mouth yesterday he only interrupted Justice Antonin Scalia to ask, “Antonin, do you know where I can get a decent plate of Pasta Carbonara in this crazy, over-priced corrupt town?” Then Thomas put down his can of Coke and followed that comment with a loud burp.