White House physician Dr. Connie Mariano had expressed concern for Christie’s health should he become president if the GOP doesn’t figure out that they have to run Marco Rubio in 2016 to get anyone who is not white as a KKK hood to vote for them. Apparently, Governor Christie had the meltdown after being on David Letterman’s talk show bragging about his capacity for gorging on Twinkies and other foods he goes hog wild with, which we must have missed as we were too busy melting down ourselves like a nuclear (nook-u-lear if you are Dubya) power plant. It’s what we do best around the U.D. offices.
We also love Ouija boards at Unsolicited Drivel and naturally, had to whip ours out to contact the evil king. Britain’s biggest monarch told us, “This is NOT a weight issue. Obviously that fat loudmouthed bastard could out eat me in a turkey leg-chomping contest any day of the week. If he takes the drug Ambien, he could probably do it in his sleep too. But look at his personal life! Did he bang one sister and then dump her for the greedier sister in the family and then cut her head off under the assumption she banged her own brother? NO! Has he sent anyone to a tower lately? If not, may I suggest a tower somewhere in Elizabeth or Pattterson, New Jersey? That pussy just talks the talk without walking the walk! I would command him to get himself to a nunnery, but he’s no match for those penguin bitches. Look how they don’t drink themselves to death while covering up evil for that Ratzinger bastard's crimes in the Vatican!”
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I will self-deprecate myself into the White House. Then I will turn it into a White Castle.
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