Cereal Box Top “Mail-In Degree” Maybe Finally Confirmed for Dr. Phil

After (perhaps drunk tweeting) an argument about whether or not date rape is ever acceptable last night, TV's favorite made-for-profit-psychologist, Dr. Phil McGraw, once and for all possibly confirmed he got his degree by mailing in an offer from a cereal box top.

It was previously believed that McGraw received his degree in as a Phd in Clinical Psychology in 1979 at the University of North Texas, but that notion was thrown out with an unwanted rape baby in the bath water last night. We can only hope that baby’s not drifting in the Gulf of Mexico with along side BP Oil tar balls.

We checked with our staff media analyst for comment on “Dr.” Phil’s huge social media gaffe last night. He replied, “Well, it’s kind of hard to believe that Dr. Phil would be open to the idea of date rape. Even though he allegedly lost his first wife due to spousal abuse. We don’t know if it was physical abuse, or mental. She may have just poked her eardrums out with a pencil over breakfast table conversation. We already know the Republican Party has convinced itself that women can close their cervix for business if a rape is “legitimate"  Or maybe illegitimate? I can't keep those crackers' ideas stratight. However, I believe Dr. Phil inadvertently showed his political leanings by squeezing out a brain fart on Twitter. Not good either way by a public relations angle. But theories about his qualifications and/or legitimacy having been floating around for many years now. So, if we are going to revisit the 'degree via cereal box top mail in theory' again, I think we can rule out Life Cereal and narrow it down to Fruit Loops.”