Monday, May 9, 2016

Open Carry Proponent Disappointed People Didn't Notice He Was an Insecure Prick

Deer Tick, VA - A local man and enthusiastic proponent of open carry gun laws was disappointed today when nobody looked at him like he was a total ammosexual prick.

Cletus Jackson told Unsolicited Drivel,  "Man. I can't believe it! This state invented open carry. That's how you make laws, right? Invent them? I don't believe in no science though. Men didn't evolve from no monkeys. Despite what people say about my idol, Donald Trump. I drove all over this town and nobody noticed me. Everybody else was wearing guns they also bought without background checks and I just blended in like all the other white people here. Should have never gone into that Panera Breads. Everybody looking at them computer tablets. What's Focaccia bread? Sounds socialist to me. Too bad we don't have no gay-hatin' bakeries here. I would have been be heralded as a local hero in there. They's always be wanting equal rights like marrying their own cousins. But what gay would hang out here? I don't know what they do? Is there a store that sells rainbow unicorns? My brother who never married nobody suggested that maybe. Don't know why he used one of them there bedazzlers on his KKK hood though. Hope he bought them rhinestones at the Hobby Lobby. I'd check the Yahoo for the real story 'bout those rainbow unicorns on my AOL account, but I blew off my opposable thumbs.

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