Despite Predictions, Charlie Sheens Car Crashes Before His Career

Los Angeles – A luxury vehicle, believing it was carrying actor Charlie Sheen, careened into a ravine Friday, falling 100 feet down a hillside off of Mulholland Drive.  No, not really.  The car didn’t try and kill Charlie, although had it been like that super smart car in “Nightrider,” we’re pretty sure it would have.  Sheen actually had reported the car stolen and police reported that they “had no reason to disbelieve” him. This incident comes after his domestic violence incident in December with wife of the moment Brooke Mueller; prostitution and gambling allegations made by ex-wife Denise Richards; a lockdown in rehab after an overdose; no contest to battery charges brought by former girlfriend, model-actress Brittany Ashland; a lawsuit by a UCLA student who claimed he whacked her in the head after she refused him sex; spending at least $50,000 for the services provided by Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss; accidentally shooting former fiancée Kelly Preston in the arm.  Sheen remains the highest paid “comedian” on a sitcom today as a result of viewers not realizing he’s merely playing himself on “Two and a Half Men” with Sheen being the 50% human part.    Police are not offering any theories regarding suspects in the theft at this time.  We can only conclude it was an unpaid hooker who rubbed her coke dusted ass all over the steering wheel before releasing the emergency brake.  Story developing…