Open Carry Proponent Disappointed People Didn't Notice He Was an Insecure Prick

Deer Tick, VA - A local man and enthusiastic proponent of open carry gun laws was disappointed today when nobody looked at him like he was a total ammosexual prick.

Cletus Jackson told Unsolicited Drivel,  "Man. I can't believe it! This state invented open carry. That's how you make laws, right? Invent them? I don't believe in no science though. Men didn't evolve from no monkeys. Despite what people say about my idol, Donald Trump. I drove all over this town and nobody noticed me. Everybody else was wearing guns they also bought without background checks and I just blended in like all the other white people here. Should have never gone into that Panera Breads. Everybody looking at them computer tablets. What's Focaccia bread? Sounds socialist to me. Too bad we don't have no gay-hatin' bakeries here. I would have been be heralded as a local hero in there. They's always be wanting equal rights like marrying their own cousins. But what gay would hang out here? I don't know what they do? Is there a store that sells rainbow unicorns? My brother who never married nobody suggested that maybe. Don't know why he used one of them there bedazzlers on his KKK hood though. Hope he bought them rhinestones at the Hobby Lobby. I'd check the Yahoo for the real story 'bout those rainbow unicorns on my AOL account, but I blew off my opposable thumbs.

Ammosexuals May Agree to Tone Down Open Carry if They Can Keep Their Gay Porn Secret

"Shut yer yap, Skeeter!"

Hogfart Alabama – Studies have been shown that the highest viewership of gay porn exists in the Bible belt red states. Many studies. More studies, more times than these porn viewers have read the Bible.

They are not going to make a statement to the press. Porn is legal. Despite the fact that Congress voted that they still could shoot anything that moves, whenever they want! So our correspondent down south was getting suspicious.

Honey Lulu was able to disguise herself at their latest KKK meeting (she knows stage make-up). She overheard a man named Billy Bob Beau complain, “That Obama could STILL raid our shacks to take our guns at any time. Ain’t he running for a fourth term? What if he shows up at the wrong time if you catch my drift, you stupid moran?” Skeeter replied, “I reckon so. That’s what I did not read. About the 4th term. Never learned ya know.” The plan was for them to spread the word of caution on private social media pages. And all agreed, you don't need an AK-47 to go to Winn-Dixie. Waffle House, maybe.

Honey Lulu was still suspicious. While Skeeter was out to buy more ammo, figuring it would take him most of the day, she jumped up on the sofa on his porch and peaked through the greasy window. Some of the DVDs included:

• Duck Dickesty
• KKKocks
• Bareback Outhouse
• How the South’s Boner Will Rise Agin
• Lynch Me From Behind
• Getting Boned with the Stars ’n Bars

She concluded the one film that wasn’t porn was Deliverance, and they may even be making their own. The horror!

Unsolicited Drivel thanks you for the great reporting, Honey LuLu!