Dennis Miller Hopes to Be Next Big A-Hole on the Radio

Los Angeles – Representatives for Dennis Miller said this week that the failed comedian/failed sportcaster hopes to become the next big, flaming, right wing a-hole in America as his radio show with Dial Global is going nationwide.

Miller’s camp told Unsolicited Drivel, “Clearly the handwriting is on the wall for Rush Limbaugh after the Sandra Fluke controversy.  If Rush finally caves to pressure from liberal scum and decides to leave the radio to ‘spend more time with his future ex-wife,’ that would create a huge void in freakishly conservative assholes on the airwaves.  That’s why we rushed, pun intended, to ink Dennis’ 300-station deal.  Now you’ll be able to hear him in every major market saying sexist, crude remarks.  Pretty nervy for a guy who used to sport a mullet.   Expect Dennis' usual targets like Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton.  And he's looking forward to slamming Elizabeth Warren’s looks while having no real knowledge about her policies when she kicks Scott Brown’s ass out of the Senate.  We’ll just counter the public outrage from women by having Sarah Palin on the show the next day after Dennis makes a gaffe.  If Sarah’s not available, we’ll get Ann Coulter.  We’re pretty sure she’s female.”

Viewer Would Like Ann Coulter to do Dancing With the Stars to Find Out if She’s Really a Dude

Baltimore, MD – An area man said today that he believed if conservative pundit Ann Coulter did the hit TV show Dancing With the Stars he would finally be able to settle an argument with his friends over whether or not she is really a dude.

Kevin Chambers told Unsolicited Drivel, “All these years I have never believed that a woman could be that mean and say such hateful things. I had to convince myself that she’s really a dude so my head doesn’t explode whenever I inadvertently see her.  I came up with the Dancing idea when I saw her on Joy Behar’s show last night and she accused liberals of hating black conservatives.  Isn’t that like saying I hate unicorns?  Anyway, if she did Dancing With the Stars I would finally have my answer once they paired her with her dance partner.  If they gave her Lacey Schwimmer as a coach that would prove that she’s really a dude like I thought.  If they pair her with Maksim I would still think she was a dude because they give him the partners that are tougher to manage.  Come to think of it, if she’s really a dude, it wouldn’t matter which male dance partner they put her with because the homophobic conservatives who have been keeping her secret all these years because her brand of hate speech doesn’t come easily would come out of the woodwork and protest like they did with Chaz Bono.  Hey, I think I’ll go start Facebook fan page to get Coulter on the the next season right now!”