Rocker Bret Michaels Was Allegedly in Tears Due to “Celebrity Apprentice” Firing

New Yawk – Poison front man Bret Michaels was allegedly in tears after his being the first fired from Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice All-Stars season debut.  The crew said he had tears streaming down his face and they had no idea if he was really THAT upset or if fellow competitor Omarosa had slipped some sliced onions under his bandana. They could not get close enough to the upset rocker to really know for sure.

A pal of Michaels’ told Unsolicited Drivel, “Fans and friends of Bret’s are heartbroken as we thought for sure that Bret would be the first two-time Celebrity Apprentice winner given his amazing work ethic.  I’m sure Omarosa didn’t slip any onions under his bandana because he would never let her get close enough to him to try because he thinks she’s an evil Voodoo priestess – which is why he picked her for his team. BIG mistake. So those tears were real Drivel Lady.  And hasn’t Bret already suffered enough???  Between all of his health problems, having to bang those skanks on Rock of Love, and believe me you would not have wanted to see Bret’s face after seeing the movie version of his musical Rock of Ages last summer. It was like someone had just thrown his puppy under a truck.  The good news though is he and Donald Trump will remain close friends because Donald is the only other rapidly aging dude Bret knows who has hair that's more whack than he does.”

NBC Now to Allegedly “Monitor” Donald Trump’s Borderline Insanity

You gotta pwobwem wit me?

New York - Real Estate mogul and reality TV star Donald Trump's increasing need to lose all of his marbles publicly was allegedly addressed at the 2013 winter Television Critics Association press tour on Sunday. Even though Trump claims to have “a great relationship with the blacks” or “Americans” as they are known in polite circles, he has repeatedly had issues with President Obama being in office. And supposedly, even his own family has told him to STFU in regard to his disdain.

An NBC honcho told us, “He has his own political belief system. We’re not quite sure what it is but are guessing it’s something like he believes in dipping the entire White House in gold, having legal gambling in the West wing and filling it with hookers from Eastern bloc countries to service patrons in the Lincoln bedroom.  But we can’t be sure. We will keep our ear to the ground for his political outbursts in the future.  Okay, just start paying attention really.  However, Mr. Trump still brought us ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ which has been a ratings winner for us.  And with the exception of Joan Rivers, the audience loves that he brings on other contestants who are people they thought were already dead, should be and/or are soon to go to prison, or should be studied in a lab. We do not share our political views with each other at NBC Universal. That being said, I will also confirm with you at this time that despite rumors, we did NOT inject our chief political correspondent Chuck Todd’s face full of Botox to keep him from looking like he was trying to keep from breaking out laughing all during coverage of the GOP at the Iowa Caucuses last year.”