NBC Now to Allegedly “Monitor” Donald Trump’s Borderline Insanity

You gotta pwobwem wit me?

New York - Real Estate mogul and reality TV star Donald Trump's increasing need to lose all of his marbles publicly was allegedly addressed at the 2013 winter Television Critics Association press tour on Sunday. Even though Trump claims to have “a great relationship with the blacks” or “Americans” as they are known in polite circles, he has repeatedly had issues with President Obama being in office. And supposedly, even his own family has told him to STFU in regard to his disdain.

An NBC honcho told us, “He has his own political belief system. We’re not quite sure what it is but are guessing it’s something like he believes in dipping the entire White House in gold, having legal gambling in the West wing and filling it with hookers from Eastern bloc countries to service patrons in the Lincoln bedroom.  But we can’t be sure. We will keep our ear to the ground for his political outbursts in the future.  Okay, just start paying attention really.  However, Mr. Trump still brought us ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ which has been a ratings winner for us.  And with the exception of Joan Rivers, the audience loves that he brings on other contestants who are people they thought were already dead, should be and/or are soon to go to prison, or should be studied in a lab. We do not share our political views with each other at NBC Universal. That being said, I will also confirm with you at this time that despite rumors, we did NOT inject our chief political correspondent Chuck Todd’s face full of Botox to keep him from looking like he was trying to keep from breaking out laughing all during coverage of the GOP at the Iowa Caucuses last year.”

NBC to Host Telethon to Maybe Aid Hurricane Sandy Victims

We're so compassionate!?!

New York - NBC Universal is planning to host a telethon as soon as they can pull a production staff together and try and lure stars like Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, George Clooney, you know, the usual suspects….to help raise money to aid the victims of Hurricane Sandy.

The program, which they will not share with other networks (because of advertising revenue) is tentatively titled "Coming Together" and will not feature Beatles music because they are British dudes and also due to NBC's shitty programming over the years, they could never afford the music rights anyway.

An intern at the peacock network, who asked not to be named, told Unsolicited Drivel, "It's hopefully going to be a star-studded show and at least, unlike with Hurricane Katrina, we won't have any fear of Kanye West stomping up on the stage and proclaiming 'President Obama hates black people!' I cannot guarantee that will mean there will be no Kardashians on the broadcast.  Sorry.  You have no idea how sorry I am about that.  I can tell you the show will be hosted by Matt Lauer…which kind of leaves me scratching my head.  I mean if they wanted to do a show about victims, why didn't they just hire Ann Curry to host it?"