Huntsman Sees Solid Gains in New Hampshire as Not Completely Out of Touch Rich Bastard Homophobic Racist Candidate

Who is this man?

Manchester – He may not have the insane wealth to mask having no real qualifications for higher office of a Mitt Romney, the homophobia and complete knack for doublespeak of a Rick Santorum, the alleged racial hatred of a Ron Paul, or the blow-hardiness and serial marrying tendencies of a Newt Gingrich, but former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman is suddenly surging in the polls in New Hampshire. And John McCain won't even show up at any of his rallies to forget his name while endorsing him.  WTF?

Unsolicited Drivel caught up with one Granite State voter for comment on Huntsman who told us, “I’m conservative by nature, but in order to vote I really have to have no idea what a candidate stands for.  That’s the only way I can vote a straight Republican ticket in good conscience.  I have NO friggin' clue what this Huntsman guy is about.  Really, I'm totally in the dark.   Our state motto is ‘Live Free or Die’ and my idea of living free is to vote for the guy I have the least amount of information on and Huntsman totally fits that bill.  Has anyone even heard him speak?  And I don't even know if he's a hating hater or not. How’d he manage that, I wonder?  Keeping the GOP core values and hatred separate?  That's some real clever campaigning,  I'll tell you."

Two GOP Presidential Hopefuls Already Toast Over Global Warming Claims

This week we can add New Jersey governor Chris Christie along with Jon Huntsman to the list of Republicans who will never be president because they believe in climate change.

“Climate change is real,” Christie told reporters. "Human activity plays a role in these changes, and it is impacting our state. Just look at those kids from the Jersey Shore with them tans that look like barbeque sauce."

This shocking admission came on the heels of Presidential hopeful Jon Huntsman tweeting, "To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy."

Many Republican strategists have called Huntsman “crazy” after those remarks and are now disappointed in Christie as they had hoped he would be throwing his hat into the presidential ring of 2012 contenders.

Unsolicited Drivel asked our political analyst for comment about the controversy.  He told us, “I’m sure the members of the party that are not so far right they would fall off of the earth were it flat, an ever decreasing number, are feeling let down as they had hoped at some time between cheeseburgers that Christie would declare and balance out the field between the crazies and the Mormons.  He definitely could tip the scales!  And despite his belief in climate change, Christie still could have fit into (tee! hee!) the GOP mold of complete hypocrite as he recently vetoed a New Jersey bill to curb greenhouse gases.  However, both he and Huntsman just burned their chances for the nomination as they seem to be ignoring the fact that the evil industrial polluters causing much of the climate change are usually their biggest campaign donors.  Isn’t that fact printed on the first page of their running for office on the GOP ticket user's manual?”