Rep. Barney Frank Will NOT Eat Popcorn and Watch “House of Cards” With You

NOT in Barney's queue!

Washington, DC - The accolades keep pouring in for the first original series by Netflix, House of Cards, but one former U.S. Congressional Representative, Barney Frank (D.,- MA) will not be watching it with you.  Even before the acclaimed series won numerous Emmy nominations, Frank admitted that he only “hate watched” it. Maybe he’s into self-loathing? He stayed in Washington trying make things work  a very long time so our best guess would be: YES.

Frank is rumored to allegedly have said of the series, “It’s not because Kevin Spacey makes my skin crawl. He does and does it very well. And Robin Wright’s character’s fashion sense is to die for!  It just doesn’t depict the way we do business in Washington. Prepare all the currently trendy snacks you want for the House of Cards binge-viewing party. You still won't get my vote.”

We checked in for comment on Frank’s disdain for House of Cards with our resident political analyst.  She told us, “I agree with Rep. Frank. That is not how they do business in DC. Firstly, I can’t imagine a Congressman sleeping with anyone other than a high-class hooker. NEVER a roving reporter who lives with cockroaches because of crippling student loan debt. Secondly, I think we only saw maybe one lobbyist during the entire first season. Usually the reps have to have the pockets on their trousers altered so the K Street parasites can physically massage their ball sacks. And thirdly, they somehow actually got some bills passed in the House. Has that even happened if it didn’t involve screwing women out of their rights, figuratively, or the poor since 2009? Or just voting to repeal bills that have already passed?  If so, I must have missed it.”

Netflix Moved Too Quickly With “Qwikster”

The real "Qwickster"

Ever since Netflix announced it was raising its fees by sixty-percent for DVDs by mail and movies by streaming, folks have been lining up in droves at competitor RedBox as nobody’s got the time to do 10-15 for mailing suspicious white power back to Netflix with their DVDs when they should be out looking for a job.  And now Netflix is facing another calamity due its poorly thought out strategy by adopting the new name Qwikster for its mail service without checking its availability on Twitter.  If they checked today, Netflix customers who want to follow it on Twitter to see when the next Katherine Heigel mistake comes out would be more likely to find out when the director’s cut is issued for Dazed and Confused, because an apparent stoner already owns the similarly spelled Qwickster handle.

“Qwickster” hasn’t tweeted since late June and now Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings, is likely in a panic after hastily sending out the announcement about the new name via his blog last night.  A spokesperson for the movie rental giant told us, “We’ve been trying to reach this Qwickster all day but haven’t had any success.  We fear that perhaps he’s in a diabetic coma from too many sugary munchies.  If that’s not the case, and if anyone knows how to reach him, maybe on a World of Warcraft discussion board or someplace, please let him know that we are prepared to offer an unlimited supply of Mallomars, Doritos and Pizza flavored Hot Pockets, a Fast Times at Ridgemont High DVD punched by Sean Penn and a Cheech and Chong movie collection boxed set in exchange for the Twitter name.”

Advice for the U.S. Postal Service

Washington, DC – Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe spoke before the Senate this week to report that the U.S. Postal service was on the verge of financial collapse.  He asked lawmakers for help to avert this disaster as the Postal Service was very near its borrowing limit.  While it's certainly understandable that they have faced an uphill battle with the popularity of email and competition from other delivery services, we couldn’t help but wonder if there were some internal improvements they could make as well.  We asked Unsolicited Drivel readers for their ideas on how they could improve the Postal Service, and this is what they thought: