Obama Frees Chelsea Manning!

Here is a link to our slide-show from the protest we attended at Fort Meade, Maryland:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/48540772@N03/sets/72157633862639529/show/

U.S. Asks Countries Outraged by NSA Spying to Patiently Please Take a Number

I always feel like somebody's watching me...

Washington, DC – As international outrage continues to grow over the United States’ NSA having cyber-spied on nations around the world, the Obama administration has issued a plea to those world leaders offended to please remain calm and then take a number to register their complaint on line.

Germany, Brazil, France, and now Spain have expressed outrage, in addition to probably 35 other countries most Americans have never heard of. But America is pretty darn sure they have residents who bow toward Mecca and/or wear attractive head scarves or just look a little brown-skinned, in general.*

A spokesperson for the National Security Agency told Unsolicited Drivel, “I was told to tell you we are very sorry that these countries, some them our allies, are so offended by our tactics to protect all things American, like freedom, from the terrorists. In fact, we are still apologizing to Germany’s President Angela Merkel for former President Bush’s terrorizing her with a shoulder rub with those brush clearin' paws of his during his term.  And we never anticipated the effects a Russian diet of just borscht and vodka would have on that whistleblower Edward Snowden. He's one hopped-up busy little bee now, ain't he? However, this surveillance is necessary to keep any terrorists from taking away Americans’ freedom to live in trailer parks, section 8 housing and homes heading toward foreclosure.  The 1% all have bomb shelters, so they are already taken care of if we pay attention to our intelligence. Anyway, in order to field all the complaints, we have decided to set up a new website where countries TAKING ISSUE WITH OUR VERY UNDERSTANDABLE 'TACTICS' can register to get a number for their complaint to be heard. No worries. Everyone’s concerns will be properly addressed in a timely manner. We hired the same web developer behind Heathcare.gov.”

*That explains Mexico.

Turdmanistan Graciously Offers Asylum to NSA Leaker Edward Snowden

Come for the delicious beetles; stay for the floggings!

Central Asia – The little known somewhat repressive country Turdmanistan has made an open asylum offer to the U.S.'s former NSA heroic or villainous (depending on whom you ask) whistleblower Edward Snowden in an effort to quote, “finally get some sexy or at least skanky pop stars to sing happy birthday to our president.”

Snowden, currently hiding in a Russian airport like Tom Hanks did in the movie The Terminal, has stated he wants to leave the airport because there is no one there who looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones even though Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to let him see him shirtless.

A press secretary for Turdmanistan’s President Gurbangalangajoud Mahmoudsudoko told Unsolicited Drivel, “We know our president is not as brutal a dictator as say, the late master hater Moammar Gaddafi, or as snappy a dresser.  In fact some days it’s hard to get him to wear something fancier than a moth-eaten Whitney Houston t-shirt and the same old stinky flax drawstring pants when he bends toward Mecca to pray, and he’s really not quite as repressive as he should be.  Naturally, our people are starving and pretty much have only dung beetles to eat. But as far as violence is concerned, the president basically just sticks to having our citizens self-flog themselves for his entertainment with a camel-riding crop.  Therefore, I fear our only chance to buy a pop star with no morals on the level of Jennifer Lopez to sing at his birthday party is if we offer this American spy a place to crash.  That is, unless you believe this Ms. Lopez thinks Snowden is a traitor? Do you know? Well in case you are aware of J-Lo's any negative feelings, or Beyonce's too for that matter, do you by any chance have Ke$ha’s phone number? I'm pretty sure she has no thoughts about America's privacy one way or another.”