Sherlock Holmes Deduces Awards Show Audience is Asleep

Los Angeles, CA - An evening that started off with real promise, complete with George Clooney referring to Billy Bush as an “idiot,” quickly began to disappoint and turn into the usual celebrity awards show yawn-a-thon.  So it was with the 67th Annual Golden Globes.   Yes, the Golden Globes…the awards show that most of us are not quite sure how they differ from the Oscars or Emmys save for the fact that they allow the stars to get whacked on champagne on live TV so they’ll usually end up the bathroom and miss their awards category completely.  Perhaps the champagne even contributed to the reasoning behind Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to change the name of James Cameron’s epic film depicting the struggle of the big blue Na'vi of Pandora.  It’s now known as “Avadar,” just so you movie goers are clear what title to type in for tickets on Fandango.com.  Even the British comedian Ricky Gervais couldn’t add excitement to the show by talking about his penis, or pointing out that Mel Gibson is an even funnier drunk than Arnold.   The evening as entertainment seemed all but lost at one point.  Who wants to watch Meryl Streep consoling Meryl Streep for losing out to Meryl Streep?  Then, in a surprise upset over “Insider” Matt Damon, actor Robert Downey Jr. was as able to take the show a few points down on the suck-o-meter with his acceptance speech for best actor in a comedy or musical for “Sherlock Holmes.”  He quipped, “Not only do I not have anybody to thank, I also plan to tear this place apart if you start playing those violins!  Although I suppose that would be preferable to the sound of the world’s smallest violin that you played for me for my previous standout comedic performance: dude falling asleep in some strange neighbor kid’s bed.”