Cruising Back to Number One?

NEW YORK – Tom Cruise doesn’t want any of his movies opening at less than number one – even if they might stink like number two. The half-pint, crack pot cinematic idol, has insisted that Fox move his upcoming action-romance “comeback” film back one week to avoid a silver bullet to his ego by dodging the insanely record-breaking opening of  “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.”  The vanilla guy is re-teaming with his former co-star Cameron Diaz in an effort to boost his chance at box office success in the new film “Knight and Day.”  Choosing this movie genre will suit his former audience and hopefully re-build his relationship with fans, as will his next project,  “M.I. 4” working title, “Mission Un-watchable.”    One publicist believes that the fact that Cruise is a Scientologist has caused his box office decline, as once the public found out it was “like letting a genie out of a vitamin bottle.”  There are other industry insiders who have different opinions.  One, who declined to be named, offered, “there’s good reason that Tom Cruise wouldn’t want to go head-to-head with the kids from the Twilight pictures.  If they opened the same weekend, there would be tons of overlap on publicity junkets, late night appearances and such and not only is Tom old enough to be their daddies, they are also at just about the right age for him to consider dating them.  You know, the usual way he revives his sagging career.  But, from what I hear, Katie’s contract is rumored to be pretty ironclad. The pre-nup even includes a clause where she gets custody of publicity whores Posh and Becks should their marriage end. That would leave Tom posing for the paparazzi with his Mom.”