Los Angeles – The 82nd Annual Academy Awards will likely begin to suck tonight when Barbara Walters mails in her last pre-show interview, and up until probably at least Tuesday afternoon when viewers will still be scratching their heads and discussing how “The Hurt Locker” beat "Avatar"*. Or, until they have the Department of Homeland Security remove Joan and Melissa Rivers from the red carpet. It won’t be the first time Oscar has had more than one host, but it will be the first time we can hold the hope that there’s a chance that a co-host might be referred to as a “rude little pig.” Producers hope that they will have unleashed the new Abbott and Costello, or Martin and Lewis in Martin and Baldwin, but we are predicting something more akin to Laverne and Shirley. However, with Steve Martin back at the helm, there may be room for Halle Berry cleavage jokes at least. Alec Baldwin, likely to be the urbane straight man, may have never hosted before, but he has plenty of experience keeping a straight face from sitting across the holiday dinner table from his brother Stephen. A recently unearthed host, Paul Hogan, who co-hosted in 1987, gave this advice, "be grateful, be gracious, get off." If only the awards recipients would take that advice, viewers wouldn’t have to cling to the hope of Penelope Cruz having a wardrobe malfunction just to keep them awake.
*Voters hate James Cameron and distributor Harvey Weinstein. “Avatar” is, however, guaranteed to win the award for most visually assaulting, memory blanking special effects, and best film to send you straight into rehab after trying to sit through it without hurling due to a hangover and being in a theater that smells like feet. And, is it just us, or does Alec Baldwin totally look like he's been Photoshopped into this picture? Note the glow around his perimeter. Not a good sign folks.
Told ya. Ouch.
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