Palin To Get Red Carpet Treatment From a State in the Red?

Sacramento – While diving through the dumpsters looking for first drafts of final exams recently, several students at California State University came across a document detailing the contract of upcoming speaker Sarah Palin. 

The document didn’t reveal her compensation, which can run as high as $100,000 to squeak out borderline gibberish in a voice that sounds like fingernails (real, not acrylic) scraping a blackboard, but it did list certain demands.  The half-term governor requires first class travel, be it in on a commercial airline, or a private plane (which must be designed to look like “Barbie’s Dream Jet").  Other demands for creature comforts included a double suite in a luxury hotel with a view of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s back yard and an adequate supply of bendy straws for her iced Caribou Coffee or glacier water.  It was detailed that all questions from the audience must be pre-screened and come only from students who had a combined SAT score of 700 or less.  No cameras or recording devices would be allowed and she would only sign autographs on students’ hands, and in water-soluble ink.  

Organizers for California State University’s Stanislaus Foundation have come under fire for allegedly shredding the documentation detailing Palin’s compensation.  But we believe the real issue is what will happen to the University’s donations from alumni after this flap has died down? 

We asked one Cal State grad and he offered, “Politics aside, I don’t understand how a state so close to bankruptcy that has employees taking nearly a month of furlough time per year to ease financial woes, has a state run university that is willing to pay a speaker whose not a rocket scientist a six-figure fee.  If I were the head of the development department, I would bend over and kiss my ass goodbye, as I bet their donations drop off to a level where they’ll wonder if their alumni have joined the witness protection program.”