What’s Up Doc? Not Your Population in the U.S. of A.!!!

Washington, DC - The new federal health care law has already turned out to be like bad medicine, as hospitals and medical schools are in a frantic scramble to train new doctors.   And, surprisingly, it’s not because the doctors we have now are walking off of the job after being forced to take a pay cut.

Experts warn that now that many, many more Americans will be able to afford health care than ever before (as their plan will no longer consist of driving a soon to be repossessed vehicle to the E.R.), the demand for doctors will be larger than ever.  It is believed that if the nation’s medical schools do not start accepting applicants that have cheated on their MCATs, America could face a shortage of as many as 150,000 docs in the coming years, which could translate to a 150-hour wait to see your primary care physician.  This shortfall is still the diagnosis despite a huge push by teaching hospitals and on-line medical schools, where you can earn your degree in as little as 9 months and may qualify for financial assistance if you make less than $45,000 per year.  While incomprehensibly brilliant foreign doctors from exotic countries could help make up the shortfall, it is feared that too many of them would be held up by airport security, and most likely never make it to our shores. 

This is a huge conundrum and has forced the American Medical Association to propose the radical suggestion of casting a much wider net for acceptable doctors.  It is believed that they are so desperate that they are even suggesting that the U.S. should consider hiring witch doctors and mad scientists to help halt the impending health care crisis.  In that case, let's call Dr. Bombay.  We know he'll come right away.  Dr. Evil's asking price may be a little steep though.