Supreme Court Starts the Week of With a Bang

Washington, DC - Charlton Heston’s cold dead hands got a good bit warmer today when the Supreme Court ruled that Chicago’s 28-year old handgun ban was unconstitutional. 

The ruling, written by Bush appointee Justice Samuel Alito, decided that the 2nd amendment applies equally to all states as it does to the federal government.  So just to be clear, everyone still has the right to bear arms and/or be a murderous bastard.  Just as the founding father's would have wanted it.  Way back when the Injuns were stealin' their women folk.

Gun enthusiasts everywhere (like in Alaska, where they will shoot you for trying to see Russia from their house) who had been upset about the state government trying to “trample upon their rights,” were cheering this morning until they realized they will now have to find something else to complain about.   One Chicago Glock enthusiast told us, “while I appreciate the court’s decision to protect my right to shoot crack-heads at will, it kind of kills my enthusiasm for showing up to protest at rallies about my rights being violated.  I suppose now I’ll just have to bitch about taxes or them gays wanting rights.”