Thursday, July 29, 2010

Rand Paul Okay With Mountains Blowing Their Tops

Kentucky Republican nominee for U.S. Senate and possible awful toupee wearer, Rand Paul, is standing up for the controversial practice of mountain top mining. 

In an upcoming August profile in Corrupt Bastard Monthly, Paul discusses the environmental benefits of the mining, as opposed to the environmental hazards, and insists the practice just needs a little “re-branding.”

He told them, “I believe that blowing the tops off of Appalachia’s mountains is actually a net positive.  It restores jobs that are lost because of unchecked safety violations for mining companies underground, and creates an exciting new environment.  I would even go so far as to say the land becomes enhanced.  Mountain climbers would no longer have to worry about falling into the valleys as they will been filled up with waste from the excavation, and the leveled surfaces of the former tops will have the texture of the face of the moon and we could build moonwalk themed parks on them.  The holes would already be present for our golf balls on the new courses.  How cool is that?”

In regard to the toxic run-off from the coal mining poisoning the water supply, Paul had no on the record remark, but was rumored to have been overheard snidely remarking something like, "with all of the inbreeding going on the region, how would anyone ever notice?"

We asked an environmental activist to comment on Paul’s remarks and he told us, “Robert Kennedy, Jr. has described Mountain top mining as the greatest environmental threat we have facing America today, but Paul’s okay with it?  WTF?? I mean the information on the hazards is everywhere!  Maybe Paul is just hoping for any opportunity to see fellow Kentuckian Ashley Judd protesting about it topless.”

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