Back to School Shopping Guide

Get ready for plenty more teachers’ dirty looks…‘cause it’s our back to school guide for kids!

Like the saying goes…don’t be a fool, stay in school.  Study medieval literature in the original text along with a minor in Ikebana if you have to. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!  Do absolutely anything to avoid being tossed out into the streets of the real world prematurely.  Even if the Registrar threatens to send your next Drop/Add notice via writing it on your Facebook wall. You’ll thank us later, as despite your inflated degree, you still might end up working in manufacturing if you go out there now, and by that we mean manufacturing “special sauce.” 

But before you go back for all of the fun, here are some must have items you might want to bring along this year to the dorm:


True Religion ultra low rise-faded-jaded “now with extra-added thong viewing” jeans - Hotter than ever before, jeans are still the first choice for dancing on bars and tabletops at fraternity pledge initiations. $285 (TKE little sister Grateful Dead thong sold separately.)

Abercrombie & Fitch Hoodie – For some outrageous outerwear, there’s nothing like a screen-printed hoodie with a racial or sexist slur from the classic clothiers of Abercrombie & Fitch.  Pre-washed to give it the so-old-its-new-again appeal - much like racism and sexism.  $175   

Coach Barfbag - These timeless handbags have always been a classic, but the addition this season of the cordovan leather with sustainable bamboo trim barf bag, puts Coach over the top in sensible style. Handcrafted with baseball stitching for the sports fan, the bag also includes a handy strap-on bridle and dorm room key fob.  $525

Yoga Pants – Nothing hides an evening of beer bloat while perpetuating the illusion that you’ve been “enlightened” better than a pair of cruelty-free yoga pants made with hemp fiber and dyed with organic beet or blueberry juice.  BTW, the illusion of enlightenment can be totally voided by wearing bed head backwards baseball cap to brunch.  $125 

Happening Headgear - No, we’re not talking about orthodontia that makes you look like Sputnik, but stuff to make a cool crew, or a mega Mohawk ‘do.  Attach “found” pieces to your hair to make it extra hip.  Bicycle chains, glitter, subway tokens, or use road-kill to formulate fake dreadlocks.  Be sure to attach them with airplane glue.