Lookout Chicago!

You better not pout, you better not cry, Rahm Emmanuel's coming to Chi! The chief of Obama's staff, long known to want the mayorship of the midwest megacity, may now have set his sights on it in the wake of Richard Daley Jr.'s announcement that he will be retiring from that high office.

An anonymous White House Source who everybody knows is Rahm Emmanuel said "all of us here think he'd be a perfect choice. He's a fabulous chief, an amazing organizer, and most importantly of all, a hell of a leader. Chicago'd be crazy not to want him."

Chicago for Chicagoans leader Art Lesse was quoted as saying "given Rahm's ability to give up on single payer healthcare, demoralize the base of the Democratic party by calling them 'effing retarded,' and generally insult his supporters behind the scenes, we do think there's a place for him here in Chicago - as coach of the hapless Chicago Cubs baseball team. The Cubs haven't won a pennant in over a hundred years, so they couldn't be more demoralized." Current Chicago Cubs coach Fiedler Crabb couldn't be reached for comment.