Pope One Step Closer to Rope

A US Federal Judge has asked the Vatican to serve the Pope with some court papers related to the well-known world-wide decades-long-they're-obviously-guilty scandal involving pedophile priests which the current Pope, his predecessor, various cardinals, priests and - oh, WTF THEY'RE ALL IN ON IT. The request has little chance of being honored given that the Vatican is a wholly-owned-subsidiary of the Roman Catholic Church in all but name only, but it is an unusual step for the request to be made and it keeps the scandal in the headlights.

Vatican Spokesperson Johnny "Church" Commagio said "Um, yeh, we'll get right on dis, just let's make sure de paperwork is ok, can't do no processin' wit' incorrect paperwork now, can I - oops, think I see a mistake on this document,  that's out, oops! Have to ask de judge to rewrite dat one yeh. Hey, is dat microphone on? Turn dat off! Are you lookin' at me? What are you lookin' at?" UD was evicted at this point from the press room, along with other reporters.