Glenn Beck Wants to Tea Party With Oprah

When CNN’s new Piers Morgan Tonight aired last night, while most viewers were realizing the various challenges that made Oprah Winfrey the overachiever she is today, radio clown Glenn Beck was hoping to add her to his circle of cronies.

Oprah was discussing the necessary evil of paying taxes and indicated that early on, she signed the IRS checks while sipping wine, but now it’s more likely she has to chug Tequila to get her John Hancock scrawled. 

This revelation led simpleton Beck to think that he and lady “O” could be new B.F.F.s, as he indicated that if only he didn’t have to pay taxes for say, infrastructure, roads, things like that, he’d be as generous and charitable as Oprah.  “She gets it,” he blubbered with glee.  In an effort to further decrease his credibility, Beck also took the time to make a moronic comment about proposed high-speed “bullet” trains* (to be paid for with HIS taxes) inciting violence.

Unsolicited Drivel caught up with Oprah’s camp about Beck’s fantasy that he could share something in common with the legitimate media professional.  They told us, “Oprah might sigh about getting writer's cramp signing IRS checks, but like most rational people, she’s a huge fan of roads, fire departments, and social services in general.  We’re not sure she even knows who Glenn Beck is, but if she were to become aware of him and realize he was comparing himself to her, she’d probably order a case of Patron and then offer to pay Glenn's taxes as well just to get him to shut the hell up.”


*People in the Washington, DC area have the longest daily commute outside of Los Angeles Glenn, leading to me to believe we would be more than okay putting our tax dollars toward your violent "bullet" trains you dip-shit.