Longoria-Parker Divorce Already Final

“Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria is already a free woman after only 2.5 months as her divorce from her basketball star husband, Tony Parker, is already final. The couple separated after three years of marriage, filing for divorce in Texas claiming the usual “irreconcilable differences.”

This speedy divorce on the behalf of Longoria and Parker makes us wonder, “How is it that celebrities are able to divorce so quickly when the average American has to wait nearly as long as some people wait for a new kidney?”

Unsolicited Drivel caught up with a high-powered L.A. Attorney for comment who told us, “It’s got nothing to do with money believe it or not.  In celebrity couple cases, a judge will weigh the degree the couple tried to force their so-called happiness down the throats of the American public and dissolve the union accordingly.  The Parkers spent quite a bit of time on the red carpet posing for photos, so getting them out of the public view so Americans no longer have to believe in that sham of a marriage within only 3 months seems reasonable.  Sandra Bullock and Jesse James didn’t pose for photographs together very often, so their divorce took about six months.  Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin never pose for pictures together, but she’s constantly blabbering about how happy their marriage is on her blog, so I would predict that divorce would take nearly 9 months.  If Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were to file for real, the judge would likely dissolve the marriage at the initial filing as soon as the couple made it through security at the courthouse.”