Jeopardy Champs Against Computer Makes Somebody Wish They Didn’t Turn Out to Be Kind of a Drunk

Los Angeles, CA – The game show Jeopardy! and its addition of a super computer contestant has drawn the biggest audience in years, and has even reminded some absent-minded viewers that they really used to dig the show.

One local drunk admitted that watching IBM’s computer Watson playing Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter has been more than frustrating for him in particular, as he only remembered when he started watching again on Monday that he kept forgetting to audition for the show for years on end. Andy Johnson complained, “Man, I used to have a damn near photographic memory and now I can hardly remember shit.  I mean, I meant to get on the show, but I kept forgetting to apply when I was too busy drinking to drown out how much my life sucks.  My mistake.  Alcohol kills brain cells, but heroin doesn’t. If I had just had the good sense to shoot smack instead drinking this rotgut to combat my dysfunctional mediocrity I might be able to remember the dead presidents.  Maybe even the periodic table too!  Instead, I’m just waiting tables instead of going on Wheel of Fortune.  By the way, is George W. dead yet?”