Birthers Scramble to Ensure Obama Birth Certificate is Destroyed by Tsunami

Honolulu – Tsunami waves were crashing against Hawaii’s beaches today as a result of the 8.9 magnitude earthquake that hit Japan sparking a bevy of “birthers” to mobilize to make sure that President Barack Obama’s birth records would have a chance of being swept out to sea.

While 7-foot waves were crashing onto the shore, Americans still questioning their president’s citizenship were headed toward the 7-11 – and to the aisle with the Ziploc Bags to buy up every box in stock. 

Shouldn’t these people be evacuating the islands instead?!?

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with one birther, Cletus Kalani, about their Tsunami plans.  He told us,
“Well, you see, we got a text message from Orly Taitz overnight telling it was our patriotic duty to keep them Obama birth records from stayin’ dry.  Sure we could be evacuatin’ and savin’ our lives all, but Orly said it’s more important to make sure Obama’s birth certificate evacuates first.  We figured with the budget crisis and all, the government probably ain’t got no plastic bags down at the courthouse, so they’d be running out to the nearest store to buy ‘em some to save the Obama papers.  So the plan was to buy up every plastic bag at every store within a 15-mile radius.  Except at the Dollar Store of course. That’d be a mute point as their bags be disintegratin’ while you be waitin’ in line to pay for ‘em.”