The 19-page legal document’s six counts of prickishness included: conspiracy to violate campaign finance laws by making false statements about adulterous relations with a star-f@!king ho and four counts of accepting illegal contributions from two donors and concealing the money from the FEC very likely to pay for $400 (daily) haircuts among other unnecessary expenses while Americans were going hungry (if they couldn't develop a taste for squirrel).
A federal official told Unsolicited Drivel, “Mr. Edwards is alleged to have pocketed more than $900,000 in a effort to conceal from American voters what a complete and total adulterous prick he was. Among candidates for higher office, that kind of behavior is still frowned upon. At least for now.”
Although there are no known pictures of Mr. Edwards’ wiener on the Internet, the government is still confident that he covered up the fact that he himself can be considered a prick in addition to his member, and did so at the expense of unsuspecting supporters. Clearly, just like Edwards believed there were "two Americas," America is now pretty convinced that assessment included two of him as well. However, as Edwards didn’t exhibit a Gringrichian level of prickishness by asking his cancer-stricken wife for a divorce while she was hospitalized, we’re told his legal team is possibly considering that angle as a defense to get the charges lowered from “prick” to “really inconsiderate tool.”
0 comments so far :
Post a Comment