Even though ABC cash cow "Dancing with the Stars" jumped the shark in not hiring “stars” as far back as the season with disgraced politician Tom DeLay, the Monday night staple announced its new, even lower-wattage cast last night for season 13.
The men’s team included: Actor David (and the voices of the drunk 14-year old boys inside his head) Arquette, LGBT activist (and person) Chaz Bono, the fashion guru (with shamefully under-styled hair) Carson Kressley, L.A. Laker Ron (please let me change my name to Metta World Peace even though I once punched a fan) Artest, Rob (I won’t have to wax as much as sisters for my skimpy costumes) Kardashian, and J.R. (thanks for canceling my day-job on "All My Children," you demented Disney mouse) Martinez.
The ladies team included: HLN’s Nancy (tot-mom hater/would-be slayer) Grace, The Hills star Kristin (I’m not the one with 10 plastic surgeries, including the size ‘Z’ boobs) Cavallari, actress/talk show host Ricki (I ruined day-time programming before O.J. Simpson) Lake, Wilson Phillips singer Chynna (the hot looking Chynna; not the big drunky wrestler Chyna) Phillips, Elisabetta (I got to bang George Clooney until I used the ‘M’ word) Canalis and U.S. Women’s Soccer Team goalie Hope (not Han) Solo.
"Dancing With the Stars" was highly criticized last season for not having enough star-power and now it seems like nothing has changed with the choice of this new cast. We reached out to ABC for comment and one producer told us, “Hey, cut us some slack. We got Nancy Grace. Acquitted murderess Casey Anthony can’t leave Florida as she’s still on probation.”
When we asked Chaz Bono if her famously outspoken liberal mother, superstar Cher, would be in the audience to lend support, Bono said, "I have no idea ... I'm sure she'll make an appearance. Maybe once she finally recuperates from literally laughing her ass off over Bristol Palin’s 'Dancing' stint.”
1 comments so far :
low wattage is right. A candle would be brighter.
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