Monday, September 26, 2011

R.E.M. Broke-Up Because Nobody Noticed They Didn’t Break Up

After 31 years together, alternative rock band R.E.M. is saying that they broke up last week because nobody had noticed they hadn’t previously broken up.

The band's manager told us, “They needed to prove not only to their fans but to themselves that they could still provide a hit that Glee’s Ryan Murphy would want to prostitute that they could then refuse rights to, causing Murphy to subsequently tell them all via Twitter to ‘f**k off!’  Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Then they wondered if since Glee didn’t come calling if people already thought they had broken up?  They tried Googling themselves to see and the first hit they got was for ReMax Realty.  Even in this shit economy ReMax was trending ahead of R.E.M., if you can believe that?  Well the band could and they quickly issued a statement that they were breaking up.  To make matters worse, then lead singer Michael Stipe released pictures showing his junk on the Internet.  Maybe he thought he looked like Scarlett Johansson, I don't know.  So if they have any remorse about the breakup and plan for a reunion, I think I have a decent plan to convince fans that Michael was really the baby on Nirvana’s Never Mind album cover and was releasing his nude pictures for the 20th anniversary of its issue.”

1 comments so far :

Errbody said...

Well, that took 30 years too long!

Post a Comment

opinions powered by