While President Obama was dining at a fundraiser with Lady Gaga over the weekend, Texas Governor Rick Perry’s campaign was struggling to do damage control after Herman Cain’s surprise win Saturday in the Florida straw poll in the GOP 2012 presidential race.
It’s unclear whether it was Cain’s perhaps overly simplistic tax reform plan that caused the poll upset, or front-runner Perry having taken a beating at the GOP debate last Thursday night.
Unsolicited Drivel checked in with the Perry campaign for comment. Their rep told us, “Rick certainly did get a verbal tongue lashing* Thursday night over his wantin’ to be able to teach them illegal babies how to learn English in the Texas school system. They're already anchors for their parents after being born here and we don’t want ‘em just to become a dead weight on society’s shoulders if they can’t figure out what we want on our tacos or how short to trim our hedges. Cain seems to be onto something with his simple tax plan as it definitely appealed to simpletons. Problem is, that while job creators and workers might be okay with the 9% tax on businesses and personal income, I don’t think they’d approve of a 9% sales tax on anything. We thought about it and decided 7% was too reminiscent of Seagram’s 7, which would become unaffordable for most with Cain’s sales tax and 8 sounds too much like ‘ate’ as in to eat and people don’t want to reminded they ain’t got enough food. So we propose the 6-6-6 plan. Now I know you’re thinking that sounds like something Satan would propose and it does seem like he’s been governing Texas instead of Rick as of late, but everybody knows that in reality, Rick’s damn near got the Lord on speed dial. 6 is just 9 upside down and we gotta upend Cain's campaign. So as long as the religious conservative voters who don’t care about crumbling infrastructure due the deficit don’t confuse the number six with the word ‘sex,’ I think the Perry campaign might have a winnin’ strategy on our hands.”
1 comments so far :
All's I can say is "Oh God, don't let either of them ijits win."
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