Was the Great Pumpkin Behind Courtney Stodden’s Pumpkin Patch Heave-Ho?

Santa Clarita Valley – Conservative parents who didn’t want their kids watching veggie porn are believed to have had 40-year old teen bride Courtney Stodden kicked out of a pumpkin patch last weekend for squatting on squash.  But now Unsolicited Drivel has learned that the most famous squash of all, the Great Pumpkin, may have been behind the ouster of Court’s keister.

A true believer, who claims to have actually spotted the spirited squash and conversed with him, told us, “He has appeared on Halloween before. Just never before that sad-sack Van Pelt kid.  He doesn’t come every year because he’s pretty shy.  This was to be his first year back in quite some time. His big comeback if you will. So he thought he’d do a practice run.  He started to descend on the pumpkin patch and saw Courtney with that old man she’s married to.  First he thought she was Nancy Sinatra because of her boots and she was with her dad Frank.  Greatie P., that’s what I call him, is a HUGE Nancy Sinatra fan.  Then he realized it wasn’t Nancy but just some rapidly aging centerfold wannabe humping a pumpkin.  He already was upset over the pumpkin shortage this year due to Hurricane Irene and here was an eminent threat to the remaining pumpkins of getting a yeast infection.  Pumpkins are very susceptible to fungus, you know.  Greatie P. couldn’t take that chance.  He had to make sure the little kids had their pumpkins this year.  Then he decided to inhabit the body of church choir director from Fresno and drove that ho out like she was the poltergeist.  That pumpkin patch is clean!”