Newark, NJ – Despite denials that he hasn’t been shut out from ex-wife Whitney Houston’s funeral this weekend, sources say R&B bad boy Bobby Brown has indeed been encouraged to not only be a no-show, but also to wait for the video version to purchase via iTunes. The late pop diva Houston, who died under mysterious circumstances before having to slur through a performance at a pre-Grammys party last weekend, is to be remembered in a private ceremony in her hometown Baptist church this Saturday.
A family spokesperson, a niece of a cousin of an uncle of a cousin of an aunt of a cousin of Houston’s cousin, Dionne Warwick, told Unsolicited Drivel, “We have a huge support system for Bobbi Kristina and I’m sure she’ll be sufficiently looked after even if her father is not by her side. He can pay to watch the funeral via iTunes and that money will go back to Bobbi Kristina - so that’s a win-win. Just in case we haven’t been able to convince him to stay away, we have prayed to Jesus to perform a miracle by creating a mote around the New Hope Baptist Church if Brown’s limo pulls up this Saturday. If Bobby does manage to swim across the water, the family still will have some comfort in the knowledge that Jesus promised us that where he’s going after he passes, he’ll be forced to watch his 2005 reality show, Being Bobby Brown, on a continuous loop for all eternity.”
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