U.S. of A. - Kids very likely didn’t enjoy the mild winter this year due to lack of snow days, and now a famous bunny tells us the weather was also bad for his business.
The Easter Bunny, or "Beau" as he prefers casually, told Unsolicited Drivel, “I have some very sad news to report. You know how the fine chocolatiers, the kind who don’t use enough preservatives to poison an entire kindergarten class in their products, won’t ship chocolate in the warmer months because it might melt, thus compromising their reputations? Well, these warm months all winter have totally melted my chocolate supply. I don’t have a problem with giving out hardened or sticky jellybeans. Really, I don't. I used to give those rejects to Reagan and he was the President! But I draw the line at handing out chocolate bunnies that look like they are victims of nuclear fallout because their heads are half melted off or eggs that look like a mud puddle. I don’t keep up with what goes on in the White House. Obviously they knew all along that they were going to drag ass on reversing climate change, so they’ve been giving out wooden Easter eggs for years. But wood isn’t good to eat, even though it’s in many food products that they also don’t regulate very well in the capital city. So I’m canceling Easter this year to save face. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know dried up, hardened Peeps can make a fine home microdermabrasion treatment? I’m told by folks without fur that they totally do.”
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