Wednesday, May 2, 2012

It’s Official: Wax Figure of Abraham Lincoln More in Touch With American People Than Mitt Romney

Photo via: Instagram
Gettysburg, PA – It’s hard to believe that the Republicans could possibly choose a presidential candidate more out of touch with the average American than Mittholomew J.P. Pennypacker Romney, or “Mitt” as he’s known to his friends who own practically everything in the world. But one man believes that Republicans should choose someone seemingly more out of touch – a wax museum replica of Abraham Lincoln.  Or is he?

After a recent visit to Gettsyburg and perhaps after consuming few Yuenglings, young patriot Kevin White admitted to Unsolicited Drivel, “It would be nearly impossible, even regardless of his bodily composition of wax, that this likeness of Abraham Lincoln, possibly the last Republican president who wasn’t a just a self-involved dick, could be more out of touch with the average American than Mitt “ask your parents for money” Romney.  They are equal are far as foreign policy experience goes too.  Fake Lincoln only had to worry about England and Mitt Romney only had to worry about his next vacation to England.  I’m sure fake Lincoln could run and win on name recognition alone if he wanted to.  I might have one more beer and try to convince him to throw his hat in the ring.  The only problem is that Republicans don’t believe in climate change, so it would be kind of hard to explain to Lincoln why he started to melt before he got to deliver his keynote speech at the convention in Tampa this summer.”

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