Suri Cruise Slams Dad Tom’s “Rock of Ages” Look

Los Angeles – Mini style maven in the making Suri Cruise is rumored to be appalled by dad Tom’s make-up in the new Hollywood musical potential turd-on-delivery "Rock of Ages." Tom underwent quite the transformation to play the hard rocking, tatt-loving Stacee Jaxx, complete with heavy eyeliner and a bad manicure.  But when daughter Suri first saw the publicity photos she allegedly threw a temper tantrum.

A nanny of a play date pal of the littlest Cruise told Unsolicited Drivel, “Suri was shocked when she saw the photos and did start crying.  According to her church’s beliefs, Xenu prefers that the ladies wear no make-up at all.  But if they choose to do so, Xenu prefers a more muted eye – a make-up technique that Suri perfected herself well before the age of two by mixing sidewalk chalk shavings with Johnson’s Baby Cornstarch.  Tom’s look for this movie reminds her too much of the character 'Animal' from Sesame Street and that muppet has always scared her.  She doesn’t understand why her daddy would choose to scare her when that’s Uncle John Travolta’s job.  And if her daddy was so insistent on playing a muppet, she would have thought that a much better choice for Tom to play would have been the sexually ambiguous 'Ernie' - who's also a better singer than 'Animal.'  But if I were Suri, I’d want daddy to play 'The Count' so I could figure out what my trust fund portfolio would look like by age18 and whether or not I could finally bust the hell away from him and his church.”