Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Paul Ryan DOES Have Dish Pan Hands

Youngstown Ohio - Sinking GOP VP Candidate Paul Ryan isn't just sinking in the polls, he's sinking dirty pots in dishwater.  Or, he sank them anyway. 

Many in the press have accused Ryan of completely staging his visit to an Ohio soup kitchen over the weekend for campaign photos, and also say he did no work whatsoever to help the homeless.  Kind of like the same thing he does in Congress.

However, we at Unsolicited Drivel have uncovered the REAL story.  We spoke with a homeless man, "Dumped on Danny" as he liked to be called.  He told us, "I volunteer in the kitchen to get the leftovers.  If there are any.  Sometimes it's just the crust on the bottom of the pan if they burn the soup.  I scrape it off with my hobo slayin' knife. Anyway, not only did that big vampire-looking dude wash pots and pans, he did it in record time.  Takes me a good 3 minutes to wash a soup pot.  I swear that guy had that pot cleaned in maybe 45 seconds.  Maybe.  He had dish pan hands so bad, he scratched my skin off when he shook my hand.  And he can cook too!  Here he was making some quesaditters for them Mexican illegals they brought up to fix the city's crumbling inferstrucker.  Is that a word?"
What a guy!

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